I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
