Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
