some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
