i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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