i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
