sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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