i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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