i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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