But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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