Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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