I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This is classic penis vs brain.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
