In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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