i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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