How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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