OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize