so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
