If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize