oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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