my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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