i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
