Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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