Kiss
Puke
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
