So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
