But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize