Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
