All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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