so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
