I murdered the dance floor call the cops
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
