yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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