So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
