roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
