I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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