HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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