Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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