Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
