the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think your dad took our porno
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
