i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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