Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Someone shattered a urinal.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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