I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
