when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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