first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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