I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
