sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
