We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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