OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
