you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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