I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
