The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
