trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
