the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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