Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
