Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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