im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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