did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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