I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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