At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
