she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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