Yo dont text me then not text me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
