i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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