I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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