How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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