Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
