Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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