It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize