i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
