Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
