I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
