I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
