Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
