If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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